BEAUTIFUL IN VAIN
Every tweet dreams about retweet.
Beautiful In Vain.
This status @RoughMac wrote on his Facebook Profile, deeply saddened, but with a smile on his face, what was happening to him from time to time, and what began to happen rather often recently. Being desperate because of the time seemingly passing by more and more quickly, he was grateful to God for having bestowed life and feeling of unprecedented beauty on him.
Whenever a bitter thought of him born in vain would cross his mind, he felt repentance of being blasphemer, although he was not an honest believer either. Though any of his big dreams haven’t become true, his way of living was much more interesting, than we can anticipate judging only upon these short lines of words. He had a lot of to remember, and something to expect.
On the same day, his virtual friend became some @BiancaMistake. It seemed to him, as if he had been taken out of his lonesome bed, where he spent an unforgivably long period of time, and suddenly was sunk deeply into the miraculously beautiful Iguazú Waterfalls. Seemingly mesmerized, and actually almost unprecedentedly blissful, he’s been looking at her profile picture for a long time knowing that, what at that very moment, by no means he could have known.
“This one I’m going to grab!”, he felt so confidently, as soon as he noticed by her relationship status, that she was married. No, he didn’t like love triangles, on the contrary, but he also didn’t see any love triangle in it. @RoughMac, as regards his relationship with women, was so normal, that it seemed abnormal to everyone. One man, for instance, never experienced love, the other one, as opposed to, believed in impossible – that he loved his partner more than himself, the third one thought, that love and passion were the same, the fourth one swapped his lovers more frequently than his own underwear, the fifth one believed and was sure, that only one real love existed… @RoughMac was a crossover of all these men, plus his own, what is in full correspondence with the game contrived by our Mother Nature. But at the moment of thunderstruck, known as @BiancaMistake, he reduced himself to so called crazy, amorous fool. Among many of his contradictory stances, was an answer to a question: ”Do you believe in love at first sight?”, and the answer was: ”I only believe in that kind of love!” To linguistic theories, that a language is not being taught, but rather inborn, while being activated at one particular moment, was compatible his belief, that during the course of life no single person is falling in love, but rather is capable of recognizing the specific person, it is in love with, even before its own birth.
Having become a member of some Facebook Group, that supported Anti-Smoking Campaign, he promptly added his comment: ”I always considered as bizarre those rhythmically orchestrated movements, by which people taking into their mouth those small, thin, ablazed sticks, and then after some time taking them out, and placing them into various, funny positions.” Almost at the same moment, @BiancaMistake added: ”I completely agree. Dancing in some smoky discotheque reminds me of a cardio-training in a gas-chamber.”
@RoughMac was a man who at the same time believed in nothing and everything, interpreting almost all for his own sake (usually done so by lawyers, what he was on his own), and for that reason, one would expect from him to use at this very place, a harsh word – Destiny. But it was not so. He tried stone-coldly to analyze events, which were so odd that only a phrase ”he didn’t know what happened to him”, was the best way to describe them.
Already tomorrow the whole situation became worsened, after a newly-discovered love of his life sent him an invitation-card for a DJ performance at which she should take a main role, although she was professionally working as a model. Immediately he took a look at a Facebook to find out whom he could chat with. Of course there was @BiancaMistake as well. Rash in his acting, and thorough in his repentance, he clicked her name and asked:
– You’re inviting me to attend a party? – she promptly answered:
– oh, yes.
It was not a typing mistake, but a veritable picture of their different styles: he wrote grammatically detailed, using Serbian letters, while she considerably younger than him, wrote in a modern way (as it is proper in SMS and internet communication – at least they say it should be written that way, but I personally don’t know ‘cause I never checked): So, she wrote plainly without any “hooks” and alike.
– I’ll try to come – he seemingly lied, but actually he’s been hesitating. He had a little time to cope with his impressions, because her DJ party was in a very near future, more precisely in a less than two days.
Guitar players of his band, that existed almost from the moment he became aware of himself, were two eccentric brothers whose surname was Torbica, but they were also known as Torbacs. With the older brother, @Torbac_, his school-mate, who is now living in Boston, he once wanted to eat in @McDonalds. But #Torbac_ preferred domestic ”fast food”, so they found themselves in front of two kiosks in New Belgrade. The one was very old, red in color, and the best food in Belgrade was on offer in that place, at least according to words of a future macrobiotic, who was not fond of restaurants at all. The other one, placed immediately beside that red-colored, ”legendary one”, was pretty fashionable. @Torbac_ refused to enter despisingly looking at it, but he didn’t avoid to notice that a very attractive girl was working there. Coming toward a middle-aged man with ruddy cheeks, he suddenly changed his mind.
– What are we doing here, #Mackey? Here is a Man, and over there a good chick! – The whole conversation was clearly heard, what caused both employees to feel ashamed, but for completely different reasons. Immediately he left, and entered the other kiosk and started (remember of names like Led Zeppelin or Iron Butterfly) to gently leer at the girl.
– Take what you want, #Mackey! I have to think over. – he said in a calm way. Without any hesitation, @RoughMac ordered a steak with roll and Russian salad. On the other hand, after pretty discouraging and loud contemplation, @Torbac_ decided to order an incredibly creative and unexpected piece of food, as it is a minced-meet burger with a big bun. In accordance with his belief ”I like hamburgers not because of a hamburger itself, but because of its additional spices”, he ordered so much of it, that at the very end a sandwich was so huge and almost impossible to be eaten.
– Oh, Fuck this is nothing good! Let me taste yours. – he addressed @RoughMac, and after he was allowed to taste it, he gave a proposal:
– Let’s make a swap!
After he was understandably rejected, he remembered something he’s been always speaking about and at the same time regularly forgetting:
– You should never choose, you should take what #Mackey has taken.
If the Torbacs were real brothers, it was possible to check a little while later. This time @RoughMac and Milan Torbica, younger brother and for that reason also known as @TorbacJr, found themselves in a Greek cake-shop “Stellina”, trying to order some sweets. Again #Mac was quick and accurate, ordering a “White Mouse”.
– What is that? – asked @TorbacJr.
– It is a white chocolate-cake, mouse-shaped, and filled with sweet cream.
– Aaahaaa… Good… Excuse me, are these nut-cakes? – he asked a salesgirl.
– No, these are almond-cakes.
– This is not bad either, with a lot of fruit…You said, these are with nuts?
– With almonds!
– Yes, yes… So, we’ve got the White Mouse… Uhh, what should I take? #Mackey, do you have any proposal?
– Yes, I have. ”White Mouse”.
– Nothing. Give me this one with nuts.
– With almonds!!!
– With almonds, with almonds…
As soon as they came out of the cake-shop, @TorbacJr asked @RoughMac:
– Could I taste that “White Mouse”of yours, fuck you and your mouse?
– OK. Come on, taste it.
– Mmmmm! Let’s make a swap!
– No way.
– I want to choose… It should always be taken, what #Mackey has taken.
I recounted all this (tweet: excuse me if I wasn’t boring) because @RoughMac was crucified with dilemmas as regards his further relationship with #Bianca, dilemmas which theory a long time ago described as a “We’ve Got the White Mouse Problem.”
What did he have?
As he had always been talking he found himself on Facebook unwillingly. He’s been doggedly chased by his female friends, so in order to do them a favor, he finally opened an account in November previous year. But he wasn’t present at the social network until his birthday, 19th of February. Then he tried to find a profile of David Menham, an Englishman whom he met in Vienna and became friend with during his six months sojourn in that city. But after that they haven’t been in contact for seventeen years. The only one profile on display with that name on a friend finder, was exactly David Menham whom he was looking for. They have just exchanged a couple of cordial messages.
On the first day of his unwilling presence on Facebook, he became a friend with a Beauty, whom he fell in love with not only before his, but before her birth as well. He decided to like one of many groups, whose member she either was. His first comment was followed by her flattering remark ”I completely agree”. She invited him (honestly speaking, by circular message) to something he considered as being her party. And all friends of @RoughMac know that for him the whole life is a party – if possible a real one, if necessary an imaginary one.
By hurricane driven, whose victim, although innocent, became @TorbacJr too, he came to the event about eight o’clock in the evening. With exception of trials, he was usually late for an hour or two, while his friend, if he wasn’t brutally chased, including a supervision during his bathing, shaving and taking clothes on, at least two days. In an almost empty club, they easily managed to get the best place, ordered @Smirnoff and waited. Unlike his focused, but at the same time relaxed appearance, significantly enhanced by his Italian suit, that made him look like a Mafia Boss, especially to those who would meet him for the first time, @RoughMac, as usual, immediately sank into stupidest and childish imagination, while @TorbacJr, as always, nervously rubbed his right brow and upsettingly smoked, trying to cope with chaos of his creative and frantic thoughts, that didn’t let him alone for a moment.
– It seemed they have arrived. – quietly said #Mac, looking down the winding steps leading to the club. He said in plural because he recognized #Bianca’s husband, but for two reasons and one unfounded wish he wasn’t sure it were they. The first reason was in relation to their age what #Mac expressed by exclamation:
– Oh, these are some kids!
And really, #Bianca’s husband, as opposed to his gigantic appearance, looked like a high-school mate, while #Bianca didn’t look like she was twenty nine years old, as much as she should be old, at least according to her Facebook profile.
Looked like Modesty Blaise, wearing a black roll-shirt, dressed in a tight pants and with flat-surfaced boots on her feet, without make-up, she was very attractive, but without charisma. It was the second reason. For hours before #TorbacJr and #Mac have been studying a whole pile of her photos displayed on her previously mentioned profile. Whether she was walking the stage, posing naked or in a swimsuit, acting like a middle-aged lady or a high-school flapper, recounting scenes from famous movies… she was so irresistible and again so different, what made even #TorbacJr, who’s always been addicted to innovations, but in the same time acted as the the most astringent critic, of which one could imagine, stubbornly repeated: ”that power of transformation…”, ”these photos are masterpieces that create an obligation for her”, ”has she tried to become an actress, she would be doing it so easily” and alike. Now, while they were watching her with a headphones on her left ear, simultaneously pressing buttons on a mix-desk, she looked somehow unconvincing and slightly afraid, and definitely reminded them of themselves, recalling memories of school-parties at which they, as the young boys, played with their band.
The unfounded wish was to see her unaccompanied by her husband. In this whole heap of surprises that wish in the meantime completely disappeared, what made #Mac to feel much more worried. If he had enough courage to do the right thing, everything would have been finished then and this novel wouldn’t have been existing. An idea that frightened #Mac and made him to run away from it, even before it was fully defined, was in regard with his further interest for “that young lady”. Without hesitation, he wasn’t interested in her anymore at all!
But he was known, that he never, absolutely never was ready neither to surrender, nor to give up, thanks to which he’s been gaining approval of the so called “positive way of thinking” supporters, while at the same time he was an object of admiring for so many timid and spiritless people. On the other hand , thus he managed to strengthen his stance, in front of himself almost regularly, and in front of his friends only when he would suffer defeat, acting as an extremely stubborn and persistent fool. And so, instead of paying a drink and disappearing without a trace, skillfully avoiding #TorbacJr to stop him, he recklessly came closer towards the small DJ-stage and openly stretched his hand in #Bianca’s direction, showing his wish to meet her officially, completely ignoring her husband and the other DJ, obviously very close to young couple. She reacted even worse. Totally perplexed, she enthusiastically explained:
– It is that @RoughMac!
It triggered his decision to come back into, what would dear, late Amy Winehouse dubbed – losing game.
The first step in that game was to feel himself being hurt. Without thinking of any reasons, why could it happen that way, he expected that #Bianca would immediately forget her husband and friends, even the whole world, if not the whole Universe too, just for the sake of giving herself to him, and only to him. Instead, she obviously regretted her previous words and got back to music-streaming. As if it was not enough, she gave #Mac fake hope, by saying:
– I will come later to talk to you.
Getting back, looking as piss-poured, our hero desperately tried to persuade #TorbacJr to show support for his fallacies (if you can consider as fallacy something you don’t believe in either), and then, at least to say without any real necessity, he asked him:
– How does it look like to you?
#TorbacJr, “equipped” with extreme experience, intellect, curiosity and capability of observation, carelessly smiled ironically, and then, deeply touched by Don Quixote-esque appearance of his mentor and student, idol and fan, the best friend and the biggest enigma, answered quite frankly:
It is sad, but quite natural, psychologists even say it is to certain extent healthy, using self-deceptions in order to escape from the position of a loser. For that reason #Mac continued:
– I do agree. But her husband has been watching me, as if he had wanted to kill me; Ain’t no logic to do it for no reason. OK, I understand, who wouldn’t be jealous, even without a reason, who wouldn’t be scared of a possibility to lose such a chick? But why did her DJ colleague look at me the same way?
– Because he’s banging her too – answered #TorbacJr and burst into wild laughter. At the same moment, #Mac, uncommonly capable and always willing to laugh at his own expense, began to laugh so frankly and heartily, that his wounds inflicted to him just a moment before, started to heal immediately.
It didn’t stop him to screw up the rest of the evening. He started harassing young lady the moment she wanted to go to the toilet, having tried to behave cool:
– Well, where are you to sit at my table, You the Woman of the Renaissance?
Formally, it was a cheap trick used to praise female-model not for her beauty, but for her persona. But, essentially bearing in mind all facts about #Bianca, which #Mac did manage to become familiar with, he really believed in that what he uttered. She was interested in almost everything: literature, music, numerous sports, mysticism and magic, Asia as same as California, net-surfing, all existing social networks, Informatics and new technologies, psychology… And her knowledge in all these fields was really astonishing. She travelled the world, studied, DJ-performed, had good time in the clubs, she haven’t missed any alternative artistic gathering, especially not @ExitFestival, and to top all this, she did her job without mistake. Frequently she was penniless, what caused suffering from time to time, but she hasn’t been taking advantage of anyone, although Mother Nature gifted her with endless opportunities to do so.
– Why Renaissance? – asked #Bianca seemingly surprised.
– We are usually using a phrase “Renaissance Man”, when we want to describe Subject who is multidimensional and universally skillful in many fields. If you use the phrase “Renaissance Woman” you think of a beautiful Object, a model of the renaissance artist. For me you are the “Renaissance Woman”, but as a Subject – explained #Mac, again completely frank, although he didn’t want to renounce a lateral meaning of his contemplation – modern support of the gender equality. But obviously, in his relationship with #Bianca, he was destined to do everything wrong, or let me say “upside-down”. When he should have followed his brain, thanks to which he would have discovered a simple truth, that the woman in question is nothing more, than mere human being made of flesh and blood, he on the contrary, had followed his heart, prone to keeping him in misconception for the whole of his life, that something “Ideal” does exist. Now it was quite opposite: even a quick glance at this per defnitionem female being would have revealed her obsession by Macho Guys, while #Mac “wisely” tried to present himself as a Good Guy with a lack of hormones. Having noticed @RoughMac’s that time avatar on his Facebook Profile, she was enchanted by his manly, brawny appearance, that was in accordance to her closest friends imagination (at which #Bianca has been approvingly laughing) that all they “just want a dude who will nail them to the wall with sex”. Therefore, it could be presumed with a high certainty, that she was disappointed by his approach.
Moreover, he was surprised and discouraged, after he realized that his compliments meant nothing to her, because her opinion of herself has already been extremely positive. What is this, Men – a beautiful, successful model, admired and flattered by everyone, what causes her to think of herself being overly clever (as if it was possible being overly clever and overly beautiful)? Nightmare? Twilight Zone? No, #NaiveMac, nothing of it. It is simply known as Life on its own.
He didn’t manage to think what direction further to take, when all of a sudden, she has interrupted him by saying:
– OK. Now I’ve got to go. I must really piss.
Even worse, she said it so openly, in a so loutish and saucy manner, that made #Mac incapable of realizing, whether she is dismissing him, or some special, close ties begin to exist between two of them.
#TorbacJr, unreally sensitive and irritatingly depressive, often spoke: “I’m sick of all this” and “It causes me to vomit”, what prompted #Mac of giving him an advise that thereby he is bothering gastroenterologist, but not his friends. It was therefore understandable and expected, to observe a #TorbacJr’s disgust at #Mac’s decision to grab #Bianca’s thin arm, the very moment she left the toilet, and almost tearing her apart, he forcibly brought her to the table in order to take a photo with her. Now, already deliberately humiliating #Mac and causing #TorbacJr to be even more depressive, she rudely refused his proposal, showing a mole above her lips (apparently a sort of her trade mark), claiming it was herpes, and therefore it wouldn’t be professional to show up on the photo in such a condition.
I could be describing this debacle more detailed, but who needs that? #Mac, who wouldn’t be #Mac if he stopped to annoy with his analysis:
– Is it possible it bothers her that much? Much more important celebrities never refused being photographed together with me.
– Do you think she’s crazy and she doesn’t know that you would, if not tonight, put that photo on your Facebook profile? – rhetorically asked #TorbacJr.
– Of course. Why would I take a photo otherwise? – answered #Mac, what finally brought about some relaxation in the form of a new round of salubrious laugh.
Entirely relaxed, they haven’t noticed an imposing guy who suddenly appeared beside their table.
– Good evening, Gentlemen. Could I join you and pay you a drink? – asked he, now already pretty jolly chaps.
– And what for the fuck we need you? – roughly answered @RoughMac.
– Mr. #RoughMac, don’t you want to know for what reason we invited you and why are you here tonight?
Wow, waiting on more…..I really like this….shall I call you #Mac? Thank you!! 😉 ♥
♥ Thank YOU honey! ♥
At last in English, although you’ve read it even in Serbian several times
Of course you can call me #Mac, especially ’cause I am #Mac 😉
I’m glad if you really like it!
Sounds complicated as are most Cyber/Actual relationships&I can empathize totally with the situation!I’ve been through a similar scene myself:))
Is it mean that you like it?
aww, Milan, I like it…and I understand :))
Thank you, my *medena*, my Adriana Lima
But, what you think when you say: “I understand”?
few days ago in our worm cafe “times” you aking your salf “what shell i do”?
i think just keep on going.
This is great & I can feel your emotions & feel your story…..keep on writing & playing music. Love this & would like to see more of your story :)~
Thank you, Monica
I hope you have read the other four chapters of this novel!